| Product Details (as of 16 February 2006) Title: Love Signals Author: David Givens Hardcover: 256 pages Publisher: St. Martin's Press (February 1, 2005) Language: English ISBN: 0312315058 |
Book review
How to find your love – and keep it.
Review by G.N.
This book is a blend of three parts: 1 - research studies on the subject of human behaviour, especially applied to courtship and mating; 2 – direct, field observations by the author; 3 – how-to manual to find a partner (how to wear, how to behave, how to speak, how to move… and so on).
I’m fascinated by human behaviour, I read other books on the subject. Soon after the purchase, I quickly delved into it. Although some of the studies described here are already well-known, others aren’t – that’s why appreciate it.
Did you know that courtship has five phases? They are: «(1) Attention, (2) Recognition, (3) Speech, (4) Touching, and (5) Lovemaking. Each phase has its own signs, signals, and cues. Since potential mates ‘test’ each other before uniting as one, courtship is rarely hurried. Moving too fast – giving too many signals at once or showing them out of phase order – may frighten a partner away. Universally, patience is the key».
This a practical book. What’s written here is feasible by everyone.
Caveat: when I say that what’s written here is feasible by everyone, I don’t mean this is an easy book. Many people will understand this book, but not everybody will. In this book, the author talks human behaviour, neuroanathomy, ethnography, anthropology; you find here things such as ‘conjugate lateral eye movements’, ‘isopraxism’… and so on.
I think to this book as an example of the cultural divide – if you understand (and apply the findings of) this book, you have a wide advantage over those who don’t understand it: but that’s another story…
I give it four stars instead of five because here and there there are less interesting parts, the quality and the insightfulness of the prose is not even. Sometimes it’s a rather dull reading.
A few quotations may give an idea of the value of this book:
“In courtship, palm-up gestures are psychologically friendlier than palm-down cues. (…) Our closest animal relatives, the chimpanzees, greet each other with compliant, upturned palms to show ‘I’m friendly’. For human beings everywhere, gesturing with an upraised, opened palm is a convincing and time-tested way to say ‘Trust me; I mean no harm.’ Throughout the world, palm-up cues captivate, charm, and psychologically disarm partners who may be unsure of each other’s intentions.”
“(…) before speaking to an unfamiliar man or woman you [should] establish a baseline of familiarity. This prepares the partner by laying psychological groundwork in which a new relationship can germinate. Before you ask the nice-looking Safeway clerk for a date, go through the clerk’s checkout line to build familiarity. Establish eye contact, smile, bow your head forward, head-nod in agreement, and show an open palm. Three visits in as many days activate the familiarity effect. The odds that he or she will agree to take an espresso break with you dramatically improve. Repeated physical proximity over short periods of time converts you from ‘just a stranger’ to someone who is better known and ‘liked’.”
“Courtship works on a principle of luring. Instead of chasing, cornering, and capturing a mate, you emit ‘come hither’ signals and await a response. You hold back initially and play what amounts to a waiting game, in which lure, not seize, is the rule.”
Enough said. To learn more, go have your copy.
(Disclosure: Artifex bought a copy of the book reviewed)
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